Soul Jane

ma ville à moi.

2010-11-29T01:41:00.000-08:00

Dans un mois, je serai aux Etats-Unis, très loin de ma vie parisienne. Je garde mes souvenirs avec force. Malheureusement, je n'ai que ça.

Happy T-Day

2010-11-25T12:53:00.000-08:00

You know you're in France when duck is cheaper than turkey and the canned cranberry sauce costs you a good 5 euros. Luckily, I have super great friends who are cooking me a wonderful French raclette in lieu of my normally glutenous, American tradition.

What am I thankful for? The list is long and my time left in France is short.

Happy Raclette day everyone.

Bisous.

Barcelona

2010-11-08T15:01:00.000-08:00

This one time...

me and 5 girls rented a car and drove from France to Spain.

We had good times..

Ate some tapas..

drank some wine..

saw some Gaudi..

smiled.. a lot..

and made memories that I will NEVER forget..

Here's to traveling the world..

May I never have to become an adult and get a real job and be confined to one place (the inevitable)

... for now..

I TRAVEL.

it's my France.

2010-10-14T13:13:00.000-07:00

I don't plan on ever coming out of this loopy, chaotic, totally awesome hole that i'm living in. I thought I 'd be the star blogger.. telling the world everything I'm doing as it passes so that I can look back and laugh about that time in Prague when I got proposed to or those late night Paris bike rides, weaving through the streets like a rascal 20 something year old with not a care in the world. I thought I'd have so much more to poor out through a backlit mac keyboard and a cup of coffee.. but I simply don't. When you have something good, you just don't want to ruin it by poking at it to exhaustion. When something has a nice consistency, let it be.. until, eventually, time takes over and forms it into something else. For now, my life in France is so intimately precious that I can't even even admit to myself the way I feel at times.

when you meet people that see you.. the REAL you.. and then even better, accept that nakedness... you can't help yourself but to curl up to them and give them every single emotion that you have.. tell them every single secret..promise them the impossible and not care about anything else that this rusty ol' redundant life might bring. facts on the table.. i'm in adoration of this new feeling.. of not having a single secret.. i feel as if i can finally breathe.. as if I can finally look at life in the eyes and fight the long, tiresome battle.

this new, interesting feeling is the very one that is anchoring me in the French soil. it's the reason i'm here and the reason why i will stay. i need it.

Paris m'a changé.

2010-06-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

I'll take you back to Friday, July 11th at around noon. I am sitting in class, carefully listening to the prof talk about how to make canard and I keep thinking in my mind "if I don't go somewhere this weekend, i'll be regretful." My friend Katherine says "hey, my friend lives in Paris, let's go."

ok let's go...

even though I am going back to Paris in a couple weeks for a much longer stay, I decided to get on the next train to a city I had no idea at the time would change my life.

i could go into every single detail of the trip, but, as dramatic as this may sound, it's very difficult for me to even recount my "made memories."

to try and muster up the words and emotions for paris is harder than pealing off the packaging of a new DVD or peddling up an 180 degree angle. it seems impossible.. but i shall try...

i was lucky enough to stay with a friend of a friend in paris. there i hung out with some cool ass dudes. we jumped around town, talked, drank, laughed, shared stories, fears, past loves, etc. i am very much impressed with every single soul i was able to meet in this marvelous town. but i would love to share with you a moment that i hope to never forget...

it was saturday night and everything in the sweet paris air was still and over. the stores were closed, the children to bed and the hustle and bustle of city transportation to a quite lull... my host and his friends took me to the eiffel tour. we sat on the grass and drank beer. there i was, shivering with chill and excitement as i gazed up at the breathtaking twinkling night lights of the most beautiful silhouette one could imagine. the tour. the tour people only dream of seeing in person. the tour that Gustave was so proud of. the 324 m of French Revolution, pride, art, grandness. the 10,000 tonnes of hard work. the 10,000 tonnes of brilliance.

love was in the air. it’s so true, all the clichés. the globs of young, French lovers whispering dreams and wishes, hope and regrets, lost loves and future ones. the variety of struggling musicians, hoping a willing ear will stop and listen. the games of the youth, chasing, kicking, punching, laughing. the individuality, all saying something different, all saying something new.

there i sat, 21 years old and hardly a worry in the world. sitting underneath this structure with complete peace of mind. thinking about my past, my future. knowing that nothing in this world could possibly be more beautiful than this moment. the sweet roar of conversation creeping into my ear. the sweet melody of intangible joy forcing it’s way in as well.

at this very moment i realized that my future has no grip on me. i am my own future. i could sit in this very spot, just under the breast of the tour and gain the nourishment i need to survive. i could be just fine. i could be just fine.

i refuse to let my future grip me into a suffocating pose, nor people into a tuneless instrument. i refuse to let the fear of the unknown keep me from seeing the world, from sleeping on new beds, sleeping on floors, going a day without food to get to the next country, going a day without food to get into the next museum.

i want to travel the world. and i want to always return to paris. one day, i’ll be able to call you home.

paris, i love you.

American girl, French woman

2010-06-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

That's to say that I am changing....

A change is good for the soul, am I correct? They say the season of change shall not be digested with fear but rather with an open mind that is not afraid of the billowing clouds of possible regret and uncertainty. I've found the most perturbing aspect of change is the realization that one may never be able to return to their own, comfortable self. I am unsure that I will ever be able to maintain the same friendships, entertain the same topics of conversation or even do the same mindless activities to pass the time on tranquil afternoons. I am aware of my drastic transformation and I am trying to let go of the pungent fear of my transforming self.

Another week in France, another week I shall never forget. Last week me and the Americans went rafting on a man-made track just in the heart of Pau. I took notice of one of the tour guides who had a pleasant disposition about him (not to mention a striking face). I took notice, and moved on. Moved onto the next week and attended a small mixer for French and American students. Et voilà, the tour guide was there. I kindly introduced myself in French and we began talking about his job, my life in France, who will win the world cup etc. He also expressed that he wants to improve his English and would like to meet up to study sometime. Yes, this is a great opportunity for me to improve my French but also, being that he is quite possibly the most beautifully constructed male specimen I have thus laid eyes on, I'm just not so sure how much concentrating I will output. But me being the weary yet eager foreigner, I kindly accepted the invitation to meet up and study for tomorrow night. Fingers crossed, I'll be able to properly conjugate my verbs and not act like such a fool.

Et plus, France is a dream. I can't stress it enough. Today was magnificent. I had a wonderful full day of class. Studied with friends underneath the blossoming summer trees with a bottle of Rosée and also got a few heavy emotions off my chest. Under this tree, where I found peace and rest in the hearts of some new friends, I saw again this reoccurring vision. When I think hard enough about it, it's as if it's real and it already happened, and it is gathering up the energy to happen again.

My vision goes something like this: a crowd of maybe 5,000 human beings. naked. nameless. without a care in the world. chatting, conducting life as if it were untouched, untainted. all in the same place, not a man ahead of the other. all on the same path. these humans all care about one another equally, their nudity displaying or perhaps referencing their comfortableness. in conversation, they take genuine interest in the others feelings and words. it seems to me that this vision may have something to do with my recent intolerance for words that are just breaths. words that have no meaning or design to them.

I am so sick of people asking me a question and not really wanting to know my response but rather so they can have another alley into their next uninteresting topic that always ends in a "that's just how I am."

As this post becomes increasingly bizarre and uninteresting, I leave you with a few photos that are keeping me at peace while I stay in France. I love these people oh so very much.

à bientôt

Courtney

France in a quick flash

2010-06-07T06:14:00.000-07:00

Oh where to begin. Usually I am decent with expressing myself. I have no words for France. I have no words for the way this place makes me feel. As I peddle through the breathtakingly beautiful parks on my way to class I ask God "how did I get to be in the place I am? Why did you bless me with such an opportunity?"

I guess I will begin by saying that I am happy. Although my happiness may not be so evident on the exterior (I maintain a stoic face to blend in better), I assure you my loving friends that I am flourishing. FLOURISHING.

The family I live with is a carbon copy of my real family. Comprised of 5 people. mom, dad, a boy and two girls. Mother is the chorus, the father the conductor. Each one of them special (although I haven't yet met the oldest as she lives in Peru with her Peruvian husband) and each one of them willing to help me with my pursuit of the French language.

School is great, very intense. I am in my third week and each day I realize a new perspective of the language, a true gift to my conscious. As I take the advice of my predecessors, I have chosen to limit my anglophone friends and reach out to the francophone community. It's a little more difficult to do so during the summer as not many students are on campus, but with the bit of confidence I have, I've been able to make friends with two very special French girls.

As I live about a mile and a half from campus and I currently take the bike, my exercise regimen has been kicked up a few notches. No complaints. Buns of steel.

However, during the fall and winter time my bike rides to campus will be much less enjoyable and in fact frigidly cold. Thus, I have made the decision to buy a scooter. Yes, my very own French scooter. Mom, Dad, if you are reading this, I am sorry but I have to buy one and I PROMISE I will be careful. (as in scooter I mean mini motorcycle)

In other news, I have managed to visit a fair part of Southwest France. I went to Toulouse, France where I made friends with the most kind Toulousain one could imagine. He was kind enough to be the guide for the trip and make us feel at home.

Me and four of my American friends learned a great lesson that weekend in Toulouse. The rumors of wallet theft in Europe are incredibly true. My friend had her wallet out for two seconds, casually looking it and all of a sudden a crowd of about 4 young gypsy-type girls came up and snatched it. Yes the wallet was retrieved but only because my courageous, 5 foot 9 inched friend ran after her and bonked her on the head with a baguette. Oh clichés, you're just so accurate at times. Needless to say, our eyes were opened wide and we all learned a serious lesson.

Last weekend the USAC group headed to Pays-Basque, which I would argue is thus far my favorite part of France. Bayonne and Biarritz changed me. I was very secluded the entire day. I got a lot of writing done on the beach. I was sitting on a cold rock on the ocean front of Biarritz praying. Lately my prayers have been a bit selfish like "God please take care of this and this and this" and it was at the moment on the rock in Biarritz that God revealed something very interesting to me. He told me that I'm not in France for myself. I am not there to get fluent in the language or comfortable with the culture (although these are things that will evidently happen) but rather that I am in france to lead more people to Him. To be an example of Godliness and Holiness, to be a warrior for Him. This tug is so real and something I can no longer ignore. I am trying hard to find the vessel in which He wants me to do all of these things, and I feel it's just on the horizon, but for now I wait patiently for His next great whisper.

Oh those whispers, how I love them. How I love HIM.

Until next time my sweet friends,

Courtney

I AM IN FRANCE

2010-05-26T11:41:00.001-07:00

And I am having WAY too much fun to type a decent post.

Things I have done thus far:

Talked about sex change operations with local Frenchmen.

Got in a fight with a cat.

Biked and hour and a half in the rain with a scarf on.

I think I'll fit in just fine here.

Je suis contente.

p.s. I will be posting more descriptive blogs posts later- when everything settles down.

amour.

Behold- the cutest couple in the world.

2010-04-27T11:01:00.000-07:00

MATES OF STATE

This Connecticut Indie-Rock duo

will make you feel light on your feet

and ready for love. I feel so incredibly happy and joyous after a run through one of their album's.

You can follow their adoralbe little lives at their blog here

All images from Google Images

Bollywood Fever

2010-04-20T14:19:00.000-07:00

I am completely, sickly, totally obsessed with Bollywood films. I justify this with the fact that I don't watch much else.

I just watched Monsoon Wedding and adored it.

I then texted my sister because I am having Bollywood Film Fever (actual medical term) and she said I HAD to go watch JODAA AKBAR.

Sis was right. It is quite possibly the most amazing love story between (i'm pretty certain) two of the most attractive people in India.

As my sis said: "Let the brilliance of Bollywood transport you to 16th century India"

I present you:

Hrithik Roshan

and Aishwarya Rai

Good Hair

2010-04-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

New York City - March 27, 2010

.. clearly, I have a problem with fly-aways. I would just start complaining that I got my currrrrlllyy hair from my mother and yadeyada but I just watched Chris Rock's documentary entitled "good hair." Watch it and I guarantee you won't complain again - or at least about your hair but you'll still probably be complaining about health care or your love handles.

The Magic Mile

2010-04-11T12:43:00.000-07:00

Just watch is earthlings, just watch it.

Cry a little..

2010-04-10T19:16:00.000-07:00

Life is completely unpredictable. Most times, I love to enjoy life, but some days you JUST HAVE TO CRYYYYY.

source

Watch this video...

It may bring at a tear or two to your eyes but tears are absolutely healthy. Cry a little this Saturday night; I promise it will make you feel better.

A family friend was murdered last week and today was his funeral. He was 29 years old and totally undeserving of such a crime.

If you are a praying individual, please use that POWER to shower it upon his family. I personally cannot relate to the pain that I know this family is going through a pain that is totally hindering of normalcy. Pray : the power is incredible.

Robert Wagner - enjoy heaven. dance in the clouds. have fun with our King. see you soon.

East Coast Adventures

2010-04-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

My first trip alone:
I could go on forever about how much I adore traveling alone. No one is there but everyone else is. Strangers, I mean. As I traveled all over the East coast to visit my sister, I made more meaningful, lifelong friends in just 10 days than I have my entire life.
I want to forever remember the memories from this trip, never lose the feelings and senses that overcame me and inspired me and most of all, make a new dream become a reality: moving to Philadelphia, PA. The city of brotherly love reeled me in and never bothered to unhook me. One of my sister’s classmates said that “Philly is a city you love, and it loves you right back.” This is the truest form of how I feel about Philadelphia.
Right now I am looking into the MA programs at UPenn and Drexle and also looking at housing (which is quite affordable). After I come back from France, I will have to make my decision on where to attend graduate school - something I know will be easier when I come back.. as I already feel myself becoming a new woman.

So that in 20 years and when I am asking my sis “hey what was is that we did in NYC on my birthday?” or “what was that restaurant’s name in Philly?” I will be able to look upon this glorious way of documenting memories and say “Aha, Max Brenner’s Chocolate Factory when Shaina stole that menu.”

Worthy Moments:
Camden, NJ: Chelsea (my sister) and all her roommates went to class while I stayed at the apt. and cooked them dinner. Of course, the sauteed asparagus smoked up a bit and the apt. building’s fire alarm went off. 20 minutes, a few police officers and a headache later, I was able to sauteed that asparagus to perfection.. (embarrassing scale: about a 9)
Friday March 26th, on our journey back to Camden from Philly, we ran into a young fellow that was from S. Jersey. I have never in my life met a more charismatic person with such confidence. Meeting him was when I first realized that people from the West and East coast’s are world’s apart... and I like it.

Coffee at Anthony’s Italian Coffee- yes you may have seen this place frequented on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, or maybe it’s one of your personal favorites... but this is the exact place and moment in time that I first fell in love with Philly. Sis and I sat outside, bemused by the hustle and bustle of the local’s, the ruggedness of construction workers and the undeniable friendliness of all passerby’s.

NYC March 27th, Chelsea and I got comedy club tickets and of course sat up front. A part of the act we were indeed, but it was only agitated when chelsea spilled her drink all over her lap in front of hundreds. Luckily, my sister being the confident and carefree woman that she is was able to poke fun at herself and even give the comedians a little material to work with.

12 Steps Down Bar Philly - As sis and I were strolling alone South Street, we passed by a bar that she had always heard about.. “a classic philly joint” if you will. I said to her “why don’t we go in.” At one in the afternoon Chelsea and I enjoyed a honey flavored beer while being entertained by the construction workers on their break. The Philly men are HILARIOUS. I love em. One in particular really took a liking to us and said “girls.. I will make a day out of it.. we will get on my boat.. I take YOUS girls to a real nice lunch like Dave and Buster’s or something.. and YOUS girls will have a real good time.”
(yes a lot of them say YOUS or YOUSES and yes he said Dave and Buster’s)

A Day Alone in Philly- Chelsea had class and I had an entire day alone to get lost in Philadelphia. THIS WAS AMAZING. I went to Reading Terminal Market, S. Street, Chinatown, Love Park, the Historic District and all the hot spots.. Being alone for new experiences is incredible. I was able to get some writing done, people watch and really take in the aroma of the city. It’s fair to say this day changed my life.

A Day Alone in Detroit- As a last minute decision, I went and saw my friend who lives in Westland, MI. He had to work while I was there but was kind enough to let me take his car around the cities and explore. Where do I go? Well of course the sketchiest part of Detroit one could imagine. Even at high noon I felt incredibly scared. But the day only got better as I navigated to safer neighborhoods and talked with some locals. I noticed that Michiganders are either really proud of their state or itching to get out. They are always the first to acknowledge the gravity of Detroit and how it’s really not getting any better. I concluded that Detroit is a Godless city and needs prayer. It’s overridden with poverty and drugs, only dwindling more as I type. God deliver this city.

I humbly conclude that I hope that living on the East coast is in God’s plan for me, as I can vividly see myself prospering and learning so much there. I cannot wait to explore more places and meet more people... something I feel is just as important to me as the air I’m breathing..

The neatest realization about this trip is that is affirmed my desires and yearning to travel. This is where I am at my best- TRAVELING. When I am moving and seeing new places, my stomach turns into knots and my mind is released from captivity. I am an explorer, a dreamer, a woman unconfined to one space - this is me.

everything's funnier in German..

2010-03-18T13:59:00.000-07:00

thank GOD.. finally a game show that involves blindfolded plastic star war figurine experts AND German people!

BEST PART- 2:08 minutes in - in case you guys forgot the theme song..

i'm about to pop-culture.

2010-03-10T19:41:00.000-08:00

"are you you here to make friends"?

"i'm not here to make friends"

"you're not my friends, i'm not here to make any friends"

NO.
but you did sell your personality, body, less than original sense of humor or style to be put on display for the world to see. maybe to gain a slot on wikipedia or a wee nudge in the direction of full-fletched stardom, but really, it's almost better that you say "i am here to make friends." heck, it beats the former.

for 2010-2020, i hope this starts to diminish rather than augment.

HEAVENS TO BETSY i cannot watch any more junk t.v.
it's sucking the life out of me..

currently reading for the first time (pathetic and very late, i know)
A Tale of Two Cities by Dickens...
i'm about 1/4 way finished
it feels as if i'm running out of pins for a voodoo doll - tantalizing despite initial hesitations.

a woman finds completion.

2010-03-09T15:41:00.000-08:00

this is love.

Her name is Katie Kirkpatrick , 21 yrs old.

Next to her is her fiancé, Nick, 23.

This picture was taken prior to their wedding January 11th, 2005.

Katie has terminal cancer and spends hours in chemotherapy.

Here Nick awaits while she finishes one of the sessions.

Even in pain and dealing with her organs shutting down, with the help of morphine, Katie took care of every single part of the wedding planning.

Her dress had to be adjusted several times due to Katie’s constant weight loss.

An expected guest was her oxygen tank. Katie had to use it during the ceremony and reception.

The other couple in this picture is Nick’s parents, very emotional with the wedding and of course to see their son marrying the girl he fell in love with when he was an adolescent.

Katie, in a wheel chair, listening to her husband and friends singing to her.

In the middle of the party, Katie had to rest for a bit to catch her breath.

The pain does not allow her to stand for a long period of time.

Katie died 5 days after her wedding.

To see a fragile woman dress as a bride with a beautiful smile makes you think, happiness is always there within reach, no matter how long it lasts.

Life is short. So love without boundaries. Laugh without control. Live like it’s heaven on earth.

Life for Him and Him alone..

[via: Tumblr]

i used to be the girl..

2010-03-08T22:06:00.001-08:00

who spent hundreds on a single pair of jeans..

snickered at people who were different..

thought nice cars, big houses and pretty faces were of the most important things in life..

i like the new me. the one that has hardly a memory of such selfishness and emptiness..

the new me:

shirt: salvation army -$1.50 (half off on fridays)

skirt (old, no clue where i purchased it)

stockings- small boutique my close friend owns $7.00

shoes- buffalo exchange $14.00

it feels good to be cheap and careless...

waiting in the wallows.

2010-03-02T10:14:00.001-08:00

It's been over a week since i've blogged.

i've been drowning in work. assignments. visa applications. birthdays. ceremonies. etc.

it's a very HAPPY busy. one that i treasure.

today i have to type a French paper and finish some paperwork for France.

another exciting thing is that i've met some incredible people in the past couple of weeks.

they are FUNNY. BEAUTIFUL. INTERESTING. CHALLENGING.

the only sad thing is that i lost a good friendship. no, he's still very much alive and breathing, just has decided that i'm not a good fit for his life. it hurt at first. but then suddenly it didn't as i realized that i know my abilities to love are endless and my friendship to someone is also a gift (as a cherish both things greatly). although i didn't do anything wrong, i think he's going through things in his life that will be expedited without me in the picture. i'm totally okay with that.. but that sad thing is..

i'm not sure i'll be there when he decides enter my life again. i'm just not the girl to wait in the wallows. i never have been.. i never will be.

currently getting me through these crazy times.. GOOD friends..

nothing in this world like a sister.

2010-02-17T00:25:00.000-08:00

I know people say this a lot, but seriously, my sister is my biggest inspiration. You will never meet a more witty, intelligent, free-spirited, 0r beautiful 25-year-old girl.

People always point out that we have the same diction, speech, witty/cynical attitude and I never get sick of hearing it. To be compared to such an enrapturing person is an amazing honor.

I could write pages upon pages of situations where my sister pulled me through some dark, scary times in my life but instead I want the world -and you sis- to know that you are the sole reason I am on the path I am today. The person who pushed me with words, steered me with love and nurtured me with an influence oozing with positivity.

I am so stoked to visit you next month sis!

For every one who's curious. Chelsea is in the Peace Corps Master's program at Rutger's in Camden, NJ. She leaves soon to a foreign country (currently unknown) to dedicate her knowledge and training to the bettering and development of this country for two entire years. During this time I will be in France and it's fair to say that after May I won't see my beloved elder sister for a couple of years.

It's tough to think about but I couldn't be more proud of her. I might get a tattoo of her on my arse. We'll see.

Happy 25th Birthday "Beeda."

I am sickly in love with you.

chandy-obsessed.

2010-02-16T14:40:00.000-08:00

I am very excited about my new little hobby/idea.

I just discovered this small little antique shop in the slums of the city that has an entire room of old, tarnished chandeliers that could be truly stunning after a little bit of "fixing" up.

I have decided to purchase two of them, add some textures, colors etc. and see how they turn out.

I will keep you posted on my outcomes.

until then.. here is some inspiration.

[made out of milk cartons!]

this city.

2010-02-15T00:43:00.000-08:00

if you know me.. then you know that i say that i dislike living in Vegas close to every day.

the truth is though.. i really don't

there are so many things to do here. an amazing local music scene. strong ties to the "rat pack" left overs strung throughout the valley. amazing, free events that people from over the world couldn't even fathom attending. potpourri of culture. people with stories. awesome winters [yet terribly hot summers]. access to snowboarding, mountains, landscapes. and so much more.

for the next few months that i am living here i will keep alive this spark of love and appreciation i have for it this [at times] darling city.

"i like it in the city when two worlds collide"

project loss

2010-02-09T23:11:00.000-08:00

Anyone who says that UNLV doesn't have any talented students... they are false.

Christianne Mae Carrillo.. I could easily just text you and tell you "good job" but nah..

You are outdoing yourself each time you take a photo..

inspiring you are my sweet little filipino princess.

In photo: the talented and beautiful Fallon McBride and handome Derek Nuno

Photographer: Christanne Mae Carrillo

Love you babies, keep up the good work..

(p.s. this photo was taken with an iPhone.. imagine what the actual photos are going to look like)

i can't help it..

2010-02-08T16:48:00.000-08:00

I couldn't help but to watch this video and hope slightly that it would become a reality for me.

I leave this May for France. I will be the the foreigner. The girl with no one but herself. Of course I will make friends, acquaintances and familiarize myself with the land in which I live, but I will be in a situation that I have never been in before- which totally excites me and scares me at the same time.

This is the time in my life as a college graduate to be frivolous, travel the world and be completely freed of the worries I care for through the mundane instances of life.

I am thankful to be an American but also excited for the SLIGHT possibility of gaining a sense of home in another country.

All trip details will be posted to this little blog so you can see France through they eyes of a small but strong little, American fish.

Butterflies.

muffin girl.

2010-02-07T20:16:00.000-08:00

I praise God every day for her.

We met in vacation Bible school when we were four. She had just been tragically dumped by her former, inferior best friend.

She is truly, with every bone in her body the most beautiful, selfless person I have ever known.

When I think about losing her, the pain is inexpressible.

We are getting older, farther apart..

but we both know that we our souls are so strongly entwined that nothing could ever tear us apart.

We are writing a book entitled "the postulations of X and Y" and although it's been at a standstill for a while now.. I know that one day we will publish it and hopefully make the world smile with our alliterations. (keep an eye out for it)

Jackie..

these are my favourite things about you..

1. When you put vaseline on your lips before bed and you do the exact same circular motion every singggleee time

2. When you talk to waitresses at restaurants like they are the president (and you a peasant)

3. How you share the exact same softness in your heart for boys in vans

4. How you are so punctual and I'm so not

5. Your love for a good steak

6. Your infatuation with Disney (and cheezy pop bands i.e. McFly.. i do admit they are quite good)

7. Your inability to lie- although I know you have before.. you're really bad at it.

8. The fact that if i begged you.. you'd move to Ireland with me for graduate school

9. The devotion you have to God and His plan for you (it's truly pulled me through some tough times)

10. The fact when you cook you follow every SINGLE direction.. and you have a huge problem when things go out of order

11. The fact that although no body would ever guess it but if you had to.. you could SERIOUSLY beat somebody up

12. Your little blue honda that has a "twilight" plate, a Christian fish and Disney bumper on it

13. Your long, thin, beautiful piano-playing fingers

14. Your sense of humor- it's effortless and it's probably the only one on this earth that makes me REALLY laugh

and lastly..

I adore that fact that you have stuck by my side. You have never lost faith in me.. never judged me.. never gave up on me. There were times in our friendship where I didn't deserve you at all.. but you were relentless. I am in tears right now thinking about the times that I needed a shoulder so bad and yours was the first to fiercely provide my head some stability. You must know that you are a huge inspiration to me. Your smile, milky skin, beautiful heart, amazing personality and tender heart for God all play into the fact that you are an exceptional woman and my best friend.

Are we not two volumes of one book?

Two wings of a soaring sparrow?

A pair of binoculars making sense of far away objects?

The necessary creases of a written letter?

The necessary creases of a crumpled up letter?

Are we not to friends meant to be together until our souls drift into the clouds?

I think so..

Happy Birthday my sweets.

stop motion.

2010-02-06T23:30:00.000-08:00

right now i've been very inspired by stop motion.

what i love about it is its simplicity.

viritually anyone can make an interesting stop motion film.

currently stuck on:

jump a couple minutes in and it starts to get incredibly swoon-worthy.

current read.

2010-02-05T10:01:00.000-08:00

American philosopher and powerful influencer in pro-anarchism.

Noam Chomsky's book
"Profit over People: Neoliberalism and Global Order" is opening my eyes to the democracy in action versus the theoretical democracy that I seem to be accustomed to today.

Favorite quote..

"Colorless green ideas sleep furiously." -Chomsky

all things French are good- especially little princesses

2010-02-04T10:42:00.000-08:00

In honor of French club this evening, I have dedicated this post to the sweetest little French thing..

... all my French bloggers out there ( Je sais pour certain que vous l'aimerez .je promets)

for all you non-French bloggers out there- you must know this little darling actually speaks quite well.

let it air dry.

2010-02-03T21:40:00.000-08:00

I've recently discovered something.

When you slip on your favorite blouse and smell a myriad of natural aromas- it's a congnitive experience hardly comparable to much.

the grass, flowers, oxygen, dirt, life, there is a clichéd "oneness" you have with the little earthly things you sometimes cannot see.

I've recently began letting my clothes air dry outside and I cannot even express the way it makes me feel. Today I slipped on this dress and was reminded of just how well our nature takes care of us.

I frolicked throughout the day and felt absolutely crisp (even though i was a bit wrinkly, still).

Mother Earth:

Weather permitting, i vow to allow you to take my clothes and do as you please with them. Infuse them with your mystery, turn something tangible and terminable into something that exudes beauty and emotion.

-i promise to only visit the dryer when it's raining-

..or when i really need some clean, dry underwear.

Phoenix - "in Paris we clap like this"

2010-02-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

Aside from the fact that their musical climaxes melt my heart and speak to my soul, Phoenix is a beloved band to me. This smattering of Parisian princes have been whispering the good word in my ear for a few years now. Alright, alright maybe you have heard of them by now due to their recent sell-out to Ford commercials and blockbuster movies, but truly their sound is one of energy and love.

I have let go of that notion of "not liking anything because it's popular."

It's exhausting- I like Phoenix, Snuggies, Taylor Swift, Pride and Prejudice and Veganism.

(to name a few)

Best part of the evening is when they were doing an encore song, the song started slow- queue the instruments, the movement, buildup, the emotion...

it was building, then all of a sudden the people in the front (us) were welcomed to dance on stage with them for the remainder. it was absolutely brilliant.

they made my heart soar that night.

See you in Paris soon- my loves.

friday in boulder.

2010-01-30T18:34:00.001-08:00

"i want to paint this city red to hide a blue heart"

I recently started to get Friday's off from work (which I'm totally psyched about).

i am going to consciously dedicate every friday to having fun since i work through the weekends.

me, fallon, c and derek went to a small town outside of the city called "boulder."

they are known for their incredible antique stores.

we had a lovely lunch, bought adorable pieces and managed to only get yelled at by one shop owner (meanie almost made me cry).

my most favorite part was meeting this man:

he teaches glass blowing classes and also works in a little antique shop and make's adorable little glass figurines. he told me about his youth and how he got drunk with the beetles, how him and his wife met and how he loves her more every day.

-i am honestly thinking about taking some glass blowing lessons from him-

you never know what hobby will create your impetus for fulfillment.

i have many o butterflies thinking about it.

letting go.

2010-01-27T19:15:00.001-08:00

me- age 5. las vegas, nv.

I don't know much.. but i do know that when the suns hits the creases of my face on the morning, i smile and the only people i have to thank are my parents who taught me selflessness.

do you know what selflessness is?

i didn't until i began to truly let go of the tangibles of this world.

lately i have been reading a lot of really interesting, beautiful blogs and have been gaining tons of inspiration.

but truly, at the end of the day... all this typing.. all this commitment to the destructible world is in a very raw form- vanity.

i hope to find a better balance between enjoying the beauty that the Lord has created and also letting it go at the end of the day and composing myself as a woman who is not intertwined in the internet but more so in the relational benefits that so often slip throw the fingertips of our overworked hands.

i love you. i love people. i love being alive. i love writing. i love breathing the air of a new place. i love having thought-provoking conversations with strangers.

i love all these things, but i need to be ready to just simply let them go- at any instantaneous moment.

i am ready...

i think.

les mémoires- LA and LV

2010-01-25T23:02:00.000-08:00

In attempt to create more memory on my mac and also to clean up the cluttered bundles of footage I've acquired, I decided to throw together a little montage (only my favorite thing to do ever).

Most of the footage seen on here is taken on my iPhone- had to throw in a couple non-grainy shots for my sanity (taken on my Canon t1i).

(my most precious moments are so enthralling that I have no choice but to document them on the good ol' phone)

The people in the video all have a special place in my heart.

Enjoy.

gender bender

2010-01-24T11:50:00.000-08:00

My talented, beautiful friend Christianne Mae asked me to help her out on her "gender bender" assignment.

Our schedules didn't work out.

Our talented friend Fallon McBride was a part of this beautiful project, however.

Great work ladies- iloveyou.

p.s. Fallon, become a model already. sheesh.

C- this is probably your best photog work, thus far.

Check out christiannemaecarrillo.com for more beauty.

there is no final cut.

2010-01-22T12:33:00.000-08:00

This life I love.

It has an incredible cast, setting, soundtrack and resonance.

The plot, however, I can't quite figure out. It's always changing.

[photo credit: moi]

..but it's definitely one of the best films I have ever seen.

Home is wherever I’m with you.

2010-01-21T10:03:00.000-08:00

"Home...Let me come Home"

Today is a beautiful day.

I was try to effectively cluster together all the beautiful things in my life to ensure a happy and beautiful day, each day. But what I am beginning to realize is that these instances of beauty should always remain spontaneous.

This idea is reliable because I know that life's most heart-throbbing moments arrive when I had no clue of their uprising. I had no idea yesterday morning that I would meet a Japanese girl named Sophie who needs an English tutor. I had no idea that I would go to some dingy part of town and be an extra in a music video (more posts on this to come). I had no idea that my friend Lauren's car doesn't have heat and we'd get lost. shiver. shiver. shiver

I had no idea last night that I would sit in a new person's truck to hide from the rain and share the Word with him (and him actually listen). I had no idea that Dylan and I would make music videos in my car to 80's jams. I had no idea that I would talk and share God with a mormon (and us actually agree on things).

I had no idea I would wake up this morning and have Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zero's play on my iTunes.

I DO have an idea however and that is to share with you this beautiful song and some the music video stills.

I want a boyfriend so that this can be "our" song and I can sing it to him while we jump on the bed together.

one day.

[sponteneity includes (also) blog posts that have about 4 diferent topics]

or maybe it's just me (;

Favorite Part:

“Jade?”

“Alexander?”

“Do you remember that day you fell out of my window?”

“I sure do, you came jumping out after me.”

“Well, you fell on the concrete and nearly broke your ass and you were bleeding all over the place and I rushed you off to the hospital. Do you remember that?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Well, there’s something I never told you about that night.”

“What didn’t you tell me?”

“While you were sitting in the backseat smoking a cigarette you thought was going to be your last, I was falling deep, deeply in love with you and I never told you ‘til just now.”

“Now I know.”

rain in the desert.

2010-01-19T23:56:00.000-08:00

When it rains in the desert- its inhabitants go insane.

I am incredibly in love with rain.

We took advantage of this wonderful occasion with a parking lot roof photo shoot taken with our little cameras.

and yes, I am guilty of being a really bad driver in the rain.

Oh and I just found out that I got accepted to University of Oregon's graduate program for Global Advertising. [speaking of rain]

I am very excited. [even though I still need to pray about it]

Expect rain :)

Reflections of a Skyline.

2010-01-19T10:32:00.000-08:00

I promise you will start watching this clip and not be able to pull away.

[sigh]

This is why I love short films.

and love.

Favorite part:

"and some how communicate some of the overwhelming, undying, overpowering, unconditional. all-encompassing, heart-enriching, mind-expanding, ongoing, never-ending love...."

"i have for you.."

An evening with the King

2010-01-18T10:34:00.000-08:00

Any chance I have to get on a stage and sing Journey's "don't stop believing" I embrace with a huge smile.

Friends & I went to outdoors art show/concert and then jumped over to one of Las Vegas' finest joints:

Champagne's

Famous for their Fri-Saturday Karaoke & eclectic gathering of American's, a night at champagne's is surely to be a great night.

Highlight of the evening were as follows:

1. The two boys who rode off on into the night on a two-sweater bike

2. The distorted Twitpic that Derek took of C [http://tinyurl.com/yjfs924]

3. Using the men's restroom- hearing man enter- waiting until man left to avoid any extra embarrassment

4. Speaking French with Jose to disguise our spicy conversation

5. Watching Christianne dance alone on the dance floor

6. Singing "I love Rock and Roll" with about 10 of my most loved friends

Oh life. You are too beautiful.

vocalize.

2010-01-17T14:11:00.000-08:00

[source]

Yesterday I worked 15 hours straight.

I spoke with some Quebecois men at work.

Their accent is so thick- very hard to follow but beautiful too.

A brief story:

Sometimes in life I feel inclined to tell people things when I think it. Example: If I like your shoes or I think you have beautiful eyes I will most likely say so. Sometimes people appreciate my side comments and other times they go unnoticed [which is fine]. When I walk into work there are so many personalities and situations that are completely foreign to me. [it's a mission field]

There is a gentleman at work who is very outspoken, fun, enthusiastic and very good at what he does.

I know that lately he has had some serious problems at home with his family.

I saw him yesterday and instantly felt God leading to him to say that he is a wonderful person and that he is great at what he does.

He looked me in my eyes and thanked me.

Two minutes later he approached me and said "this is really weird but what made you tell me those things?"

There was a brief moment of silence and he said one more question.

"God?'

I replied, "yes."

He then became very serious, his eyes filled with tears and explained to me that he has just got done getting verbally let down by his wife [your not good enough, you are a bad person, your terrible at your job].

I know that I changed his attitude and possible even impacted his life. [hopefully]

When you think sometimes positive about something, vocalize it. You never know how badly they need to hear it.

God is so good.

My Sister, the Peace Corps Volunteer.

2010-01-15T10:36:00.000-08:00

[this is her dressed up on New Years. Some wear revealing, wet-seal mannequin type outfits, but Chelsea goes to saver's and turns heads with her sparkle]

My sister Chelsea, is quite possibly the most witty, beautiful, intelligent and free-spirited person.

She is the kind of person you meet and honestly never forget.

She puts people in situations that forces them to be

original or different.

She challenges you in the most mundane ways and she is sometimes unaware of it.

Last May she graduated from UNLV and later got a scholarship to Rutger's University in Camden, NJ. She is a Peace Corps Volunteer and after two semesters in NJ, Chelsea will leave (this summer) to a foreign country for two years.

I have to say that this is the most selfless thing you can do. To complete forfeit television, 24 hour grocery stores, movies on the weekends and even a quick, hot meal in order to better an underdeveloped country.

Chelsea hasn't found out yet where she will be stationed. But she does know that wherever God leads her she will be a missionary in His lands. She will humble herself in order to impact a country with the blessings she has received as an American and truly embrace the culture and language in which she is introduced to.

Today after she left for the airport, I cried [a lot].

Then I smiled because I have the honor of saying "she is MY sister."

I love you Beeda.

My anti-drug

2010-01-14T17:18:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday Jenna.

I love you dearly. Such a beautiful soul you are.

We celebrated at String's Las Vegas. An Italian joint.

Although I am not a fan of Italian food, It was quite good :]

Food & good friends=my anti-drug.

My Anti-Valentine's Day

2010-01-13T16:12:00.000-08:00

The other night my friends and I cooked dinner, watched paranormal activity [not THAT scary,

folks] and baked homemade cookies shaped as hearts.

After the movie was over we sat and watched Jersey Shore and laughed at it's vanity.

I dozed off and it was a good, good night with girls that understand me better than myself.

Choco-chip cookie boobs beat silicone any day ;]

As Valentine's Day approaches and I know for certain that my martial status is destined to remain as dry as it currently is, I am mentally preparing myself for an anti-v-day.

This is no way a cynical celebration to make those who are happily in relationships to feel bad for their ties to another person. This is my own way of redirecting my meaning of Valentine's day.

I feel like America would get much more accomplished if we dedicated the entire year to being foolishly in love with their counter-part and maybe turn Feb 14th into a day that people love on a new person, extend a helping hand, or buy the coffee of the person behind you in the Starbuck's line [I have done this a few times and it proves to be the warmest, best feeling in the world].

I am not a bitter spinster that sits and critiques men of their shortcomings or rejects the idea of happy co-dependancy. Rather, I am a young girl who knows that she is capable of loving wholly based off of the unwavering love He has shown me [and it births in even the most untouched areas of life].

On my anti-v-day, I won't be going to a fancy dinner are dazzingly over the dozen red roses on my desk, I won't share a loving kiss or moment with anyone, but I will be embracing the humans around me for who they are. I will make friends with the shy girl next to me in French class. I will make cookies for a random person and give them a note with it. I will do something that will impact someone's day. I will have a successful love-filled holiday and maybe even make a new friend or two along the way :]

Consciousness

2010-01-12T10:34:00.000-08:00

I adore my French classes so far.

Every speaks really well and I see my own French turning a whole new corner.

But this semester, my favorite thing about school though is my philosophy class on consciousness.

I love that the professor began class with a bit of a boiler plate review of what would be covered.

I felt instantly amused by his enthusiasm and love for what he does.

He mentioned a symptom called "Zombie-ism."

I had never heard from it but from his explanation I began to understand that it's a little something like this..

1. A zombie is a robot, a system and indistinguishable from you and I (humans)

2. Zombie-ism suggests that being conscious (as you and I are) is not essential in functioning (as you and I are conscious, functioning entities)

3. If this is true, then we discover that consciousness is completely separate from the tangibles the compose this physical world

4. This seperation is what is so mystifying. We have physicists and astronomers to further uncover proves and postulations about the world's physical integrity. What we don't have (in science books) is the explanation of how we can feeling sad, mad, angry, see colors, feel emotion etc.

EMOTIONS

5. This to me is just further proof that God exists. It proves to me that there is a physical world and there is a very much alive and exciting non-physical world that our beautiful King created.

[this is just my understanding of the earth with just ONE possible theory. If you in any way disagree you are entitled to that. My point of zombie-ism is just to mention that the more theories and scientific discoveries that I am exposed to, the greater my faith in God becomes]

You are..

2010-01-10T21:29:00.001-08:00

[credit]

Isn't it incredible that there isn't one single human being exactly like

YOU?

I think it's pretty sweet that no matter how much hurts me in this world

I am a living, breathing, original being.

I think the most unique thing about me is that I can flourish when surrounded by many people

and also when I am in complete solitude.

Often times I will turn down a dinner invitation just to sit in my room and listen to Mumford & Sons

and write in my journal.

I then wake up the next day with all these new ideas and feelings.

Vocalizing [or rather, textualizing] that realization felt really good.

I am curious..

what is unique about YOU?

The lighting sets the mood

2010-01-10T15:40:00.000-08:00

Downtown Las Vegas- It's an adventure, always.

Greatest venue discovered- In the old hotel Aruba.

Great bands and an incredibly spooky atmosphere.

Good friends and a digital camera.

Feeling comfortable with yourself.

Dancing with your eyes closed.

Talking film, music, religion, sexuality, travel and insecurities.

Grainy photo's with great lights.

These are the moments I live for.

"Nobody raise your voices..."

2010-01-08T19:56:00.000-08:00

[image credit: TZEROXYMOX's blog]

Words can't tell. Words are cheap at times. Words can hardly express how I feel.

Words can barely scratch the surface. If there is one thing I love on this earth it is the sounds of Zach Condon of Beirut. He melts my heart. Speaks to my soul. Tells me it's going to be "ok," even though he is unaware of my existence. When I'm all alone and the world is but a memory, I lock myself away and sway to his voice. I get lost in the symphonic trumpets and the wonderful sounds of the accordion. I cry sometimes when I love things so much. I cry a lot when Zach sings to me.

(this is in the actual recorded version of the song. I speak French so any song that can incorporate the language that I love is forever imprinted on my heart)

"Oh non je t'en prie, nous ne sommes pas chez nous. "

"Oh je t'assures que ce n'est pas grave. "

"Non laisse moi ! "

"Mais qu'est-ce que tu as aujourd'hui ? "

" J'ai que les hommes me dégoutent. Vous ne pensez qu'à ça ... "

(Translation)

Woman: Oh no please! We're not at our house.

Man: I assure you, it doesn't matter.

Woman: No, let me go!

Man: What's gotten into you today?

Woman: I know that men disgust me. You don't think of anything other than 'that'.

Just get lost in this music. S'il vous plait.

At peace.

2010-01-08T14:32:00.001-08:00

God has sincerely put my heart at rest.

I wake up, I make deep, heart wrenching eye contact with reality and say

"Hello, life. I will inspire and trust others. I will never take anything too seriously."

Did you know that life on earth is temporary?

Store up your treasures in heaven.

Don't worry about finances or shortcomings, for they are temporary, also.

Make a conscious effort to blur away your addictions and live a balanced and fulfilled life.

Give your heart to Him and He will make you clean.

Easier said than done, right?

Well, you'd be surprised.

Curry-induced coma.

2010-01-06T20:09:00.000-08:00

My family has always been into ethnic food.

It wasn't until a few years ago did I really develop my "adult" pallet.

Along with this adult pallet came the frequent cravings of curry, non bread, a myriad of taboo meats and the ongoing to desire to try something new.

I love trying new things; especially new things that are chewed and later nestled in my belly.

It's family tradition that whenever we are all together that we go try a new Indian restaurant.

"Bollywood Grille" was very satisfying

but as you can see the portions were slightly too small for 5 hungry Americans.

Oh, and we were the ONLY people eating there. I was sad about that.

Curry-induced coma is inevitable, however. I always manage to eat way too much Indian food.

Olivia Bee.

2010-01-05T15:41:00.000-08:00

Alright, I will never be a professional photographer but the butterflies

I get when I am in my moment (snapping, aiming, focusing) has truly impacted countless areas of my life.

I gain my inspiration from many things, but this person in particular warms my soul.

She is a super young, talented girl with an undeniable eye.

her name is Olivia Bee

& she inspires me.

[all photo credit: Olivia Bee]

"passive aggressive contentiousness"

2010-01-04T00:47:00.000-08:00

While I've never personally suffered from a TRUE (totally subjective) love, I have suffered such heart break from other areas of my life.

Yet, still, I feel I have never really experienced this sort of love.

I feel this exemplifies those feelings I have often witnessed. Although some would argue that it's anger, regret and animosity the one gains from a wasted relationship, I would argue that the end result is that person wonders where that initial love went (it was there, who took it? where did it go? how can I get it back? where did I go wrong to make it go away?)

Where there is heartbreak there is humor.

I love the part where the man points out that from then on he will treat women with "passive aggressive contentiousness."

I guess what I am trying to say... there is always the option of finding the good in the bad.

The Salazar Sisters.

2010-01-02T19:26:00.000-08:00

They came and visited us this Christmas.

We love them.

Boba Tea.

2010-01-01T12:28:00.001-08:00

I love it. There is something about the combinations of textures that makes me an avid fan.

I get the Taro flavor. Dylan got the strawberry.

My favorite place in Vegas is Easy Life Boba Tea.

I recommend.

Dylan and I snuck it into the movie Invictus.

shhh. don't tell.

The movie was missing some emotion for me. The climax was a fizzle.

BUT Entertaining nonetheless.

Au Revoir, 2009.

2009-12-31T10:23:00.000-08:00

Hehe, oh life.

This year has been incredible. I entered my senior year of college, I discovered new hobbies and gained inspiration in some of the most untouched avenues of my life.

I met incredible people, set some new goals and most importantly began to really

love my life and the people around me.

I am AAA okay with being single, love can be given and received even when you have no body to call your own.

I began to love.

Oh and philanthropy [I may just pursue you as a career].

A few things that totally got me through the rough patches this year:

La Blogotheque

I highly recommend watching this video.

Lomography

Bon Iver

He breaks my heart I love him so much.

The Temper Trap

Although they are not my no. one band they paved way to some of the thoughts I mustered together this year.

To hone in on every great moment of 2009 would result in me blogging all day.

Bottom line; the world can truly be a beautiful place.

Surround yourself with those that will lift you up.

Take time to listen to your neighbor.

Make eye contact and learn something new about a person.

Next year this time, I HOPE I will be in Boston.

I took the GRE yesterday [strangely, I feel very confident]

We shall see.

LOVE.

Improv-it.

2009-12-29T15:16:00.000-08:00

So, my brother always jokingly points out the stupidity in musicals. How in real life if everyone were to break out into song how unpractical the responses would be. Of course, musicals aren't set in reality but what if they were? I think this improv group shows it quite hilariously.

Watch out for me and Christianne Mae's Version- We are thinking Trader Joe's? Typical nice folk

around them parts.

I love love

2009-12-29T02:08:00.001-08:00

When I see photos I like or videos that make me cry or music that resonates I just want to love on every body around me.

Love on your neighbor.

Millionaire Annie

2009-12-28T19:16:00.001-08:00

Befriended a lady named Annie.

Annie is from Vietnam and has a very think accent. Her english is broken, she will walk away from you mid-conversation if she is bored and she is a professional poker player. I have never met a more entertaining woman in my entire life. Every Wednesday she invites everyone to a comped buffet breakfast at the Hilton hotel. I had the most insightful/ confusing conversations with her (if this is even possible). Yet another soul that completely inspired me. We love you, Annie!

A small pick-me-up.

2009-12-28T01:02:00.000-08:00

Trying to mend a permanent flaw with a temporary fix?

Were the clouds covering the sun as you peered out your window today?

Are ashamed of the fact that America idolizes those who are famous?

Did you eat at Applebee's?

Did your call drop right before you delivered the punch-line?

Well, I think this will cheer you up.

Brilliant.

The night before it all went down.

2009-12-26T20:36:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve was spent at my dear friend Alex Williams house. Her parents always throw a huge bash, complete with glutenous amounts of posh dishes and enough people to facilitate the "party" feel. I absolutely love spending time with my family and others that I love. Alex goes to school with me at UNLV and plans on becoming an actress when after she graduates. What a lovely girl. We grew up together. I love her. Moreover, I love pre-holiday festivites (as you may have presumed after reading previous posts). Favorite incidents from the evening....

1. Meeting a new neighbor lady (she was a bit obsessed with me, chelsea and alex. I guess we are "smart"?)

2. Walking to the Williams house in cold, cold, cold weather. I was holding a pie.

3. Laughing at Alex (just in general).

4. Poking my dad's full, Christmas belly.

5. Having fun drinks.

6. Walking home with a full belly, smile on my face, family next to me and the thought of my nice, cozy bed to mold into.

Thank you baby Jesus for your birth and your death, for You saved me from a life in pain and provided me with a lifetime of happiness and freedom. I love life.

A bit like SpaghettiO's

2009-12-25T12:11:00.001-08:00

I love Christmas, of course. What kind of living, breathing human would I be if I didn't enjoy the holiday festivities? I do love them, I do. But to think with a half-empty glass, I argue that Christmas is anticlimactic . You spend an entire month baking, shopping, wrapping, laughing and anticipating the excitement of a supposed wonderful day and when it comes, it's there, it happens and then it's all over. It almost makes me angry. I almost can't enjoy each moment because I know that soon it will be over and I have to face reality. Ugh. Reality. I love you, but sometimes I don't always want you.

Kind of like spaghettiO's.

So to brighten my day I remembered the day I was in Downtown San Diego and this little old German lady approached me. Although I hardly understood her, I adored her disposition. She was kind enough to let me snap a photo of her.

A Christmasy Acronym

2009-12-24T10:40:00.000-08:00

Due to the fact that I have to work on Christmas day, all of my celebrating will be fit into the day before. Movies, food, libations, hugs, photos and great conversation with my family. I love um.
I compiled an acronym-based list of things I experienced in 2009.
Enjoy.
Cherished the fact that I have a great job, in 2009, too many were lost.

Had my first oyster. I give it a 6.

Realized that I am an established young woman. No longer a kid with intangible dreams.

Invited the Lord in my heart to stay forever. Too many times before I had fallen.

Sang Korean Karaoke in downtown L.A. with new, amazing friends.

Told a boy that he was a "spineless little fraction of a man." He deserved it.

Made headbands, bachlava and ad campaign's.

Agreed fully with the political views of John Stossel.

Saved every cent I earned for my frivolous stay in Europe next year.

Earned the title of "Public Relation's Chair" for Up 'til Dawn.

Voted out all things negative and decided that using the words "love" and "inspiration" come out of my mouth way too much, but I don't care.

Experienced a year of happiness, self-discovery, adventure, independence, singleness, new hobbies, praising God and understanding that my existence means something. I am not another breathe that respires or a soul that is forgotten. I am a woman of worth and I cannot wait to jump around new corners and document the adventures that lie before me.

a light in my life

2009-12-23T10:55:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to Miss C. Carrillo . Did you know she's my friend? Her and I met in a women studies class a couple of years ago and sadly waited years to really get to know one another. She has inspired me so much recently in my life. I will name a few things that she has sparked in my life. 1. She is an amazing artist and encouraged me to start sketching and painting (I have recently done this and have fallen in love). 2. She introduced me to the band "Vampire Weekend" 3. She is spontaneous, never complains and you can throw her into ANY social setting and she will flourish (I love people like this). 4. She will watch indie love story films with me and enjoy them. 5. She got me to appreciate screen stills. 5. She taught me how to say "thank you" in Tagalog. 6. She has a gold molar and I think it's adorable. 7. She is HILARIOUS. I feel bad for you if you've never had the pleasure of gutturally laughing from one of her spoken truths. 8. She's from Alaska and I think that's really cool. 9. She knows WAY more about photography than I do. and the most important truth of Christianne is that She has a golden heart.

let's shuffle everyone!

2009-12-22T13:10:00.000-08:00

Shuffleboard . I had an amazing time with my sweet friend Casey playing shuffleboard the other night. I was absolutely perplexed by the sport for some strange reason. The combination of the dark, dingy lighting, the stale, old cigarette smoke, the locals that could probably go professional, and the incredible level of difficulty all played into my feeling that "I could quit everything I'm doing right now in life and just play shuffleboard."

I could play for hours. It's a rather mindless game, but don't underestimate it's ability to kick you in the arse.

I love going places out of spontaneity, meeting new people, trying new sports, seeing new windows to look through and understanding and appreciating yet another pastime of American culture.

Sometimes, you just need set your book down and play some good old-fashioned shuffleboard.

S'love

2009-12-21T13:42:00.000-08:00

When people ask you about them and all you can do is smile.

When you find their smile or eyes on other people.

When their last name sounds a whole lot better than yours.

When you don't care anymore, about anything, about any worry, about any regret, about any ex-lover that broke your heart. None of it matters anymore. They are there.

The other sister, nurse graduate.

2009-12-20T14:22:00.000-08:00

My OTHER sister (not technically related but have known her since I was four and have looked up to her my whole life) graduated nursing school this weekend. What a success she is. Not only is she brilliant, beautiful and filled with the Holy Spirit, but she also has the ability to make incredibly witty jokes, drive her big truck like a tough woman, and listen to your problems and provide feedback that is genuine. I can remember being young and following her around like a pansy. She was SOOO cool. And, well, she still is. Whatever man in this world is lucky enough to call her his wife one day will have beat out some serious competition. Oh and her best friend Amanda is also like a sister (also pictured) and she lives an incredible married like in Rhode Island (her husband is in Law School and she is in school to become a teacher). I love these incredible woman. Can't wait to create memories with ya'll for the rest of my life.

We ate great food.

We enjoyed one another.

We celebrated life and the accomplishments of our sweet Jessie.

Sometimes, this city is good for things.

2009-12-19T17:27:00.001-08:00

Like incredible dining, 24 hour Walmarts and the myriad of diverse cultures.

When I'm invited places, it's really hard for me to simply reject on the premise that it's not going to be a "Christian" atmosphere. I want to surround myself with people that will strengthen my relationship with God and fellowship with, but in reality..A LOT of my growing in Christ is done when I interact with non-believers. I went to my amazing friend Kate's birthday party at the top of the Palms Casino. She had a beautiful suite and it was so good to see her again. Of course, I wondered off alone with my camera and produced some pretty cool shots.

I really do love my friends and life in Las Vegas... But I feel my heart being tugged in different areas of the world that I MUST explore. In order to reach fulfillment, one must discover and make a reality of the silly and even bizarre destinations they have. Ok, so being a Russian princess is out of the question, I've accepted that, but I think that me becoming a woman of happiness and spontaneity is definitely in order.

l'amour

2009-12-18T18:53:00.000-08:00

My soul is warmed.

I wish more people would sit down and watch films with me. I wish someone out there in this world would just sit down all day with me and watch funky, dark, distracting and confusing films with me. It would be nice, I promise. Please watch this short film about love and the it's possibilities. I feel that my faith in God provides me with a sense of comfort but If I didn't have that, I sure would hope for something like this to happen.

Daros Films

my sole Christmas request.

2009-12-18T18:30:00.000-08:00

All I really want this Christmas. An accordion.

That's truly all I want this Christmas (besides tons of love). I know how to play the piano and I am completely infactuated with the sound of the accordion. There is something so mysterious, emotional, romantic, exciting, and sultry about the sound of the accordion. Really, I started to appreciat it more when I began listening to Beirut about two years ago.

They are my default band when I am feeling indolent, insecure, unhappy or anything unpleasant. They turn me into a happy lady. I want an accordian, I want to play it and I want people to be sitting around a table with me and share the sounds of life that make each other happy (telling a joke, playing acoustic guitar, crying). I want to do it all... And I will.

Don't you love love and amazing cinematography combined?

2009-12-17T17:40:00.001-08:00

I beg you. Take the time to watch this adorable short film about love, language, cultural differences and taking chances. I can't stop thinking about this kind of love, colorblind, willing, unafraid, adventurous and completely devoted. I can't wait to meet the person that gives me all these amazing emotions. To me, this is true love. It's incredible when there is a level of unknown (his foreignness) and a level of discomfort (her mother) coming together to make a pact stronger than most.

Is your soul warmed? Good, mine too.

Mid-week inspiration!

2009-12-17T17:09:00.000-08:00

Tell me this isn't BRILLIANT

Birds On Wires

Jarbas Agnelli created a score with birds on telephone wires. He didn't alter the photo whatsoever. Magnificent.

Baby love.

2009-12-17T16:46:00.000-08:00

I am not your typical girl in the sense that I need to have a child to feel complete. It's more of just a selfish want and desire I have. I want to have a child so I can teach is the right things of this , to experience life with and to shower with tons of love. So when someone make a film about babies from around the world, I'm hooked. You have to watch this trailer. Melts my heart.

I especially love the last scene. ohhh little baby lovin!

goodbye my dear Kiki.

2009-12-17T10:47:00.000-08:00

She is a stunning soul, my friend Kirsten.

Have you ever met someone that has many characteristics similar to your own, but theirs are much more intriguing? I feel this way about Kiki. I swear, if you can catch a glimpse of this girls smile on a rainy day, the clouds will part and the most beautiful rainbow will appear. Her love for Christ and desire to be more like Him is so admirable. She is my spiritual sister. Her family and heart is in Florida and finally got a job offer at a Miami resort. A great job, close to her family, and HELLO near the ocean. Although I know her time here in the Las Vegas was appreciated, her soul was never quite fulfilled in this city (a common case). Every Sunday (when I didn't have work) we would go get lunch after church and be silly ladies (talk politics, religion, freedom, expression) and it never failed to get heated up. I am thankful for my sweet sis Kirsten and I will always look up to her in so many ways. I LOVE YOU KEEKS.

OH AND PANERA BREAD CO. IS CLEARLY WAY TOO MANY CARBS IN ONE SITTING, BUT OH SO DELISH.

Vegas Girls with a Vegan Feast; it changed my life.

2009-12-16T10:46:00.000-08:00

My amazing friend Dylan Rodriguez resides in L.A. and has an incredible apartment on Melrose. I love the city and all the culture it exudes. We decided to have a VEGAN FEAST. Ok, so I do understand that being Vegan is trendy however, these people really know what flavors can be used in place of meat and dairy products. I was thoroughly impressed. Friday night we ordered take-out from her favorite Vegan placed called Bulan and every bite I put in my body made me so excited that I was a living, breathing and eating human (as opposed to a dog that sometimes I wish I could be.. yanno, just sleep all day). It meals like these that say "should I just become a VEGAN and see how it goes?".. and then I think about a nice rare piece of filet mignon and I say to myself "no way, I'm a raw-meat eating machine and could never give it up!" Amen for Vegan people and AMEN for meat-eaters. We CAN co-exist people.

Holiday Bliss

2009-12-15T11:13:00.001-08:00

So far, this holi day season rocks. My best friend Jackie (pictured above) is a shining light in my life.. never to fizzle or be blown out by any insecurities. She's the friend that makes me want to be BETTER. She's the girl that has the Lord so deeply rooted in her being that it's evident the moment her full, pretty-pink lips purse to speak. She's the Type of her who will scratch your back, make your burned CD's on time, make you feel beautiful even when you have an afro-lions mane (which I so often have). We met at vacation Bible school when we were wee ones and her sweet spirit is undeniable. I will love her forever.

Oh and the aprons were 100% vintage and original (from Mama Stroup's glorious collection) but that hasn't stopped me from buying of this apron for this cooking season. You can buy them at www.jessiesteele.com ... Don't they make you just want to be a trophy, domesticated and somewhat submissive wife? No? Just me?

I love this girl

2009-12-14T21:44:00.001-08:00

Are you ever amazed how God places people in your life, so perfectly, so wonderfully that you cry, you scream, you shout? My life would me a different world, unrecognizable if it wasn't for the beautiful people surrounding me.

I am so THANKFUL for this sweet soul, Christianne Mae Carillo. She encouraged me to start skecthing.. and it's officially changed my life.

Oh the RODEO! PBR Las Vegas.

2009-12-14T21:27:00.000-08:00

OH the RODEO! How exciting you are. When my great friend, Lauren Byrge told me she had free tickets to PBR in Las Vegas, I couldn't say no. I am all about new experiences. So I must say that before going to the rodeo and interfacing with some amazing and interesting people, I never was a BIG fan of high-waisted wrangler jeans, cowboy hats or well... tying up cattle for a living. What I realized in my few hours at the rodeo is that there is a subculture of Americans who wake, live, breath and eat this lifestyle. Whose horses are their means of survival. Whose dreams are to make it to a PBR championship. SUCH A BEAUTIFUL experience this was. Oh, and we met some very gentleman-like cowboys that helped me to remember that woman are 100 percent worthy of being treated well. They were sweet, interesting and made me feel like a RESPECTED woman. Woohoo for RODEO life and sweet-hearted cowboys.

Love me if you dare-Jeux d'enfants, en français

2009-12-12T19:09:00.000-08:00

If you know anything about me, you know I'm irrevocably in love with film; especially French films. Jeux D'Enfants seriously warmed my soul. For starters, the beginning captures your heart when they introduce the two characters as playful, rebellious children. Then you see them progress into adults, still clinging to their childhood habits (basically daredevils). The progression of love, the directors ability to splatter the reality of insecurities on the screen and the front-faced cartoon cutouts used throughout will make you think "humans are brilliant and I'm inspired." It's movies like this that make me want to jump up from my seat and start loving the person next to me, beer belly, webbed feet, crooked smile and all.

GRE .. BREAK!

2009-12-12T18:42:00.000-08:00

I've been killing myself for the past few months in preparation for the GRE exam December 30th, 2009. When my good friend Christianne called me late at night amidst my studious concentration, I had to jump on the opportunity of social-ness. I forgot how innocent and fun good dancing is with wonderful people. They definitely provided me with a breath of fresh air. I love these people that God strategically places in my life. Also, it reminds me that living in Las Vegas isn't a TOTAL waste. I love these sweet souls.